I think I can feel that I'm being overwhelmed by the stress level already. The signs are becoming so apparent: Lack of appetite, can't bring myself to smile, can't sit still and there's lots on my mind. The dreadful weekends are here again.. Today's only friday and the feeling is slowly creeping back...
My essay is due at 6pm on sunday. Which means I'll only have now, tomorrow night plus sunday morning to do it cos of my other commitments. Oh boy, how screwed! I'm trying to calm myself down, it's not that I'm inexperienced with this - I survived many modules with assignments completed exactly on the dot cos I would only start on it the night before.. so well.. I'll survive!
Oh I drove back from hall! Well, this time was so much better because my dad was not so harsh on me. Maybe it's because I drove better than the last time.. Hmm see I said that it takes time.. He was trying to make me park the car but at 1245am it's not a good idea to attempt to make my brain work so hard! Well, it's another step forward nevertheless!
I always have this fear of waking up one day to realise that all my life is but a lie. This feeling was futher intensified when I discovered a big lie by a loved one recently. I think the damage had been too devastating and I could laterally hear my heart broke. And it doesn't help that I can remember things very well. Maybe I'm just too paranoid but I just can't help but feel that way. It didn't help that I read books saying that you actually attract what you fear! Okay I'm drowning myself with my own thoughts and insecurities. My mentor once commented that one day I might just be killed in the blender of my own thoughts.
Okay I was busy showing off my present to my neighbours today. Ha~ But I'm not ready to share the chocolates yet!
Hmm it's already coming to 2am. Daddy hates it when I go to bed late. My sis is not home yet again. Boy why am I not surprised?
Just now I was reaching out for my biscuits for my neighbour then I realised that the things I wanted to send to the nA girl are still there. Ha~ It's been more than a month already! She told me to pass it to her when she gets back instead because that would be faster! I'm going to prove her wrong! Hee~
Yeah just received a msg from my
dearie. Think
he hates it when I address him so affectionately. That msg came timely because the feeling was just surfacing again.. On one hand I want to get rid of this emptiness or loneliness but on the other I don't want to use artificial means to get rid of it temporarily. Just don't want to be in denial. Got to take one step at a time and see where it leads me to.
Okay time to do my readings for my essay before heading off to bed, but I think the chances of just heading straight to bed it quite hard though I can't afford to procrastinate now!
The dreadful weekends are here again.. Can you feel my anguish?
