The long awaited results were finally out this afternoon, this time round, I was expecting good grades because I really felt good walking out of the exam hall. Not once, not twice, but on three-and-a-half occasions!
Okay my grades ain't bad at all and perhaps quite respectable but of course it didn't meet my expectations at all. Yes I set relative high standards for myself cos 1) I'm doing what I'm passionate about, 2) I'm doing what I'm best at. So what's stopping me to score all As?! There shouldn't even be any difficulty at all!
Maybe I'm never satisfied, my neighbours commented that I probably spent more time sleeping then revising my work but hey! I know my stuff okay?! Argh!
An easy way out would be to blame my cohort for being so competitive, afterall, everything goes by the bell curve - it's just unfortunate that i fall into the lower category when compared to the rest in my class, since it's all about relativity.
Yes it's not the end of the world. And don't worry, I didn't fail anything at all and didn't even get any Cs. But I just can't stand the fact that my future has to be increasingly dependent on a few alphabets and grades. Don't grades just kill the spirit of learning? I am still very much passionate about what i'm doing but my ability in the disciplinary is simply decided within two hours of incessant writing.
I happened to have plans for post-grad and the future looks kind of bleak - it's never enough to be average, or just slightly above average, you got to excel and be outstanding, if not be prepared to graduate after three years with a bachelor of merit!
The thing is I did very badly for my first year and I need to do much better now in order to make up for the mistake.
Maybe in life nothing is absolute, everything is relative.
