Ahead of me lies a crossroad - come july, I'll either (1) graduate or (2) continue with honours. If option 1 is materialized, then I'll be faced with either (1) found a prospective job or (2) sign up with Ministry of Education in December 2005 for the January 2006 intake (This is absolutely a last resort kind of thing - not that I discriminate the educators - just that I feel that I wanna try out other things first.)
Anyway this brings me to another point - what if I managed to land into my dream job, but it is monetary-wise unsatisfactory (of course in relative to my friends' salaries)? Do I console myself that its a leapt of faith on my part and I should look far into the future as this is a stepping stone on my career advancement?
Then what about providing a comfortable life for my parents and for my little sister's tertiary funds? I am stressed because as a first-generation university graduate, I feel obligated to provide for my family in "return" for what my parents had done for me. Of course they didn't stress me to do that, but I set my own targets and standards for myself. Most of my friends do not have to worry about their parents or their family, so they can have a carefree life and just have to think about themselves. Not that my family is poor, and we actually have a comfortable life, just that I want to be able to provide my family with what was offered to me.
And pardon me but I think earning a bare $2k salary is pathetic. If that happens to me, I'll continue taking tuitions in order to bring home more money. I don't knoe if this sounds naive or what, but I seriously do not want to fret over money issues.
So well! I am perfectly aware of my own shopalcoholic inclinations and my spendthrift lifestyles, but I just want to try to save up and have some security for my future. Maybe I just worry too much.
Then I am also thinking about looking for a job at the cosmetic companies as marketing executives, but I last heard they only employ people with at least a second upper honours or people with incredible looks. So for me, with neither, the future looks bleak. I know in life you'll be inevitably discriminated because of your race, your grades, your height, your physically appearance, your connections, your family background, your upbringing, the schools you attended, the house you lived in, the friends you mixed with etc etc, okay basically almost everything and anything you can think of - but I always feel that it'll only happen to me. At least compared to ALL my seemingly luckier friends. I am always down on my luck, always the one getting discriminated against.
Okay enough of rattling. Its not healthy to think about such issues at 4am on a Sunday morning, especially after such a tiring day at tuition and spent the last few hours working on my projects.
So well, if its my last sem, I'll make it my best.
Good night.
