S: I really need your company now. I'm feeling so depressed.
H: I'm too tired, I'm not up to it.
S: I really don't want to be alone.
H: I have enough of my own troubles. Please be understanding.
Then I went on to sob uncontrollably on the MRT train. I just felt so depressed because I missed my god-ma terribly. That feeling wouldn't go away even after spending 2 hours working out at the gym, trying to numb myself. I asked dear to accompany me, but he didn't want to. Even though he could tell that I was crying.
And today, I thought in order to make up for last night (maybe I was being unreasonable, he had a long day I could have been understanding), I agreed to making a trip to Habourfront to use the cable car coupon which was going to be expired. I waited for two hours at Bugis (which was ok because I needed to do market survey plus I had the company of my friend) then I travelled to Douby Ghaut to switch to the Northeast Line to get to Habourfront.
Upon reaching the cable car tower, I checked my phone and apparently he had changed his mind. He couldn't even call. I ran all the way back to the station, took the train and dropped at Outram to transfer back to the Eastwest line back home. He could have called, but he chose not to. And made me run around like a clown. Even though he knew that I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained. I should have just rejected him and don't give a damn at all!
I wanted his shoulders to lean on but he is too pre-occupied with his own problems (mine are totally trivial to him) and his own life to care for me at all. I don't think I'm being unreasonable.
I needed support to halt my fall into depression but instead, he gave me a good push into it.
And he's my boyfriend of 7 years.
--
And I came home, depressed, frustrated and agitated to find that my mum had re-arranged my stocks at home - without seeking my permission. I screamed at her for doing that. And for messing up the kitchen that I spent the entire Sunday evening cleaning. (for the record, my house is fit for the rats because my mum DOES NOT do any form of cleaning AT ALL)
Then she proceeded to say that its no big deal, I can get it sorted out again and there's no need to blow my top. But hey, I haven't got that kind of time and energy to re-do everything and in the first place, it's not my fault! And she went on to say that the biz is mine and I'm doing it for myself so I should shuddap. Hello!!!! WHAT THE FUCK does it have to do with that? I totally understand why my dad stopped loving her. She's IMPOSSIBLE to live with.
And she's my mother
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What has the world become?
