My last post was about a year ago! One light year just went by - everything happened so quickly, passed by so swiftly. Which is not necessary a bad thing, given the events of 2010..
Went through quite a bit last year, with Popo's death and Hdr's near-fatal accident. I am just glad that I survived 2010 - and I have to thank my friends and family because I wouldn't have been able to survive the heartache without all the love from them.
It's the coming-of-age month again - soon I'll be 28 years old! Living in the exact phase of 'When I grow up, I wanna be...' Sounds scary to be 28 years old - because I had thought that at the ripe age of 28, I will know exactly what to do all the time, doing what I want to do and becoming (if not already am) the person I want to be.. but I still don't have all the answers all the time. Not sure when that magical moment will come, somewhat deep in my heart I know what sudden 'enlightenment' moment I have been looking forward to might never come. I will have to take each day as it comes and live it to the fullest - however I interpret it to be.
At 27+++ years old now, a big part of me would like to drop all the work and responsibilities and run off on a world tour. Not the glamourous world tour that pops onto your head - but the serve-table-to-get-u-by type of 'world tour'. This longing to experience an alternative life to what I am living now is strong, but it is not without any opportunity cost.
Given what I have accomplished now - mostly in terms of career, and what I have ahead of me, to 'take the plunge' now could be very costly decision. You would have read about all those people who followed their hearts, took the road less travelled, became successful and were glad to have made the decisions - but that's because they never published those who had met with little 'success'. Then again that depends on your definition of 'success' - because I believe that whether taking the road less travelled worked out for these dare-devils or not, the experience would have enriched their lives.
At 25+ years old, during a job interview, this typical question was asked - 'Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?' I replied confidently, 'I see myself being in a managerial position, with more responsibilities. By then I would have gotten the exposure in the various fields that I am keen to pursue, so I would also imagine myself to be in the more specialised area that I have chosen.' If you ask me the same question now, I don't have any answer for you. I think I can manage a one-year view at best. Am I the only one feeling so? That it is terribly hard to have a long-term view? Or am I somewhat heading to a pre-mature mid-life crisis?
Or perhaps it all stemmed from my inability to prioritize - I want it all, everything is equally important to be - life, adventure, career, love.. when in actual fact, something's got to give. You can't have the cake and eat it. So until I accept this reality, I will always have to struggle with the different ambitions I have? Does everyone struggle with these too? What do they do? Continue to struggle until they give up? You see - I am still trying to nail the best deal for myself, as always.
Let's be hopeful that these answers will come to me - hope they wouldn't take too long to, because time and tide waits for no man!
Soon.. it's Happy Birthday to myself and my birthday wish will be for me to find all the answers I need and live the life that I will have no regrets!
